Holiday Torque: Off-Road One‑Upmanship, A Record-Breaking Tractor, a 16,000‑rpm Five, and Ford’s Surprise SUV Exit

Christmas morning has range. The kettle’s humming, the roads are empty, and then—bam—a Ford SUV discontinuation lands like a snowball to the ear. In between bites of spiced loaf, I sifted through a hill‑climb flex-off, a farm rig with supercar punch, an engine that screams to 16,000 rpm, and the Ford SUV news that set dealer group chats on fire. Oh, and Santa got pulled over. Of course he did.

Dirt and Duty: From Beer O’Clock Hill to the World’s Strongest Field Hand

Beer O’Clock Hill: the slope that launched a thousand calibrations

CarExpert’s latest test on the now‑internet‑famous “Beer O’Clock Hill” is the sort of simple, nasty benchmark I respect. One brutal climb, one take, no excuses. When I tried a similar gradient at a proving ground in Arizona—bone-dry, marbles over rock—it was the same lesson: proper tire pressures, a calm right foot, and an off-road mode that allows slip without panic. The rigs that walked it had momentum management nailed; the ones that didn’t, stalled and scrabbled in a haze of hot brake smell and bruised pride.

It matters because it’s become a shared stage. Carmakers are now calibrating for this exact kind of YouTube hill—just as they tuned dampers for ‘Ring curbs a decade ago. Expect quick tweaks: more permissive traction maps, smarter hill-descent logic, better OEM all-terrains. One clean ascent is a sales pitch you can’t buy with billboards.

I rode shotgun in a torque titan—tractors don’t play

Autocar’s piece on the “world’s most powerful tractor” reminded me of a damp morning in Lincolnshire when a farmer tossed me into the passenger seat of his mega‑muscled machine. It made torque like a ferry leaving dock—enough to wrinkle your plans, never mind the soil. But here’s the funny part: the finesse. With a CVT or a clever multi‑range box, you ease into the power as if you’re buttering toast. Those enormous tires? They turn mud into something approaching traction, and you sit in a throne with suspension travel that would shame plenty of premium SUVs.

The cabins are quietly brilliant now—multi‑screen setups that feel like flight decks, seats that laugh at potholes, and HVAC that actually keeps up when you’re working. I’ve stepped out of high-dollar crossovers feeling more rattled than I did in that field. There, I said it.

• Takeaway: Traction’s the main character—on hills, in fields, everywhere.
• Shopping tip: For an off‑roader worth its ground clearance, ask about low-range ratio, brake‑based traction tuning, and tire spec. The stuff under your shoes is everything.
• Fun fact: Heavy-duty work vehicles are often the test lab for durability tech that shows up in pickups later.

Engine Nerdery: A Five-Cylinder That Screams Past 16,000 rpm

Carscoops surfaced a gem: a five‑cylinder that zings past 16,000 rpm, and it’s not a classic inline‑5 or VW‑style VR5. If you grew up on Audi’s rally soundtrack, that line alone probably made your eyebrows do a little samba. Sixteen thousand revs is MotoGP country. For a five‑pot, it implies featherweight reciprocating bits, a bottom end built like a bridge, and some very trick valve control.

We don’t have the full white paper yet, but I’ve seen enough high‑rev prototypes to know the pitfalls: valve float, oil aeration, harmonics that turn blocks into shakers. To spin that high, someone’s solved for friction, breathing, and balance in a way that keeps the trademark five‑cylinder thrum without shaking it to bits. If it makes production without being strangled by emissions and NVH targets? We’re in for a proper soundtrack.

• Why a five? Personality. Off‑beat pulse, chunky midrange, shorter length than a straight‑six.
• What 16,000 rpm whispers: titanium everywhere, friction coatings, stiff as granite.
• Real-world wish: a small‑batch sports car or track special that lets it sing.

Industry Watch: Ford SUV Discontinuation Blindsides Dealers

According to Carscoops, a Ford SUV discontinuation dropped with little warning, and you could practically hear the floorplan interest ticking from here. I had two dealer GMs ping me before lunch: ad buys made, customers in the pipeline, and now a new script to learn mid‑holiday. Losing a known quantity in a crowded segment hurts—especially when you’ve got test‑drive appointments set for next week.

Ford SUV discontinuation: what that means if you were ready to buy

If this particular Ford SUV was on your short list, don’t panic—move fast and methodically:

1. Call the sales manager (not just your rep) and ask about pipeline inventory and dealer trades. Units in transit can be shuffled if you’re early.
2. Push for price protection. If you had a quote, ask them to honor it on an in‑stock match. End‑of‑run vehicles can be rich in incentives—if you’re flexible.
3. Cross‑shop platform siblings the same day. Drive back‑to‑back while impressions are fresh; a familiar chassis with a different badge might surprise you.

Today’s Headlines at a Glance: Ford SUV Discontinuation and More

Holiday Oddity: Santa Pulled Over, Claims He’s Packing More Than Presents

Yes, really—Carscoops had the festive bust. Santa got lit up and told the officer he was hauling more than stockings. As someone who’s been waved along by a patient trooper on Christmas Eve (long story, short leash), consider this a seasonal reminder: the only red-and-blue glow you want is from your neighbor’s tragic lawn display.

Quick Tips if the Ford SUV Discontinuation Affects You

• Off-road curious? Before you chase viral hills, air down a touch (within the placard range), try a mode that allows some wheel slip, and practice on a less gnarly slope first.
• Shopping Ford? Confirm the exact production status of your target trim now. Ask bluntly about dealer swaps, demos, and “in transit” cars with VINs.
• Engine nerds: keep an eye on that 16k five. If it debuts in a kit or track special, supply will be niche and deposits will go fast.

Conclusion

From one unforgiving hill shaping showroom talk to a farm rig that could moonlight as a luxury lounge, it’s a very car‑culture Christmas. The Ford SUV discontinuation is the plot twist dealers didn’t need, but buyers can still snag wins with quick calls and calm heads. If you’re test‑driving between leftovers and family Zooms, take your time, ask sharper questions than the brochure answers, and let the metal make its case—on the road, or better yet, on the dirt.

FAQ

• What exactly is “Beer O’Clock Hill,” and why does it matter?
  It’s a steep, technical climb popularized by CarExpert’s videos. Because so many rigs attempt the same slope, it’s become an informal benchmark—great for spotting which off‑road systems are genuinely sorted.
• What’s the big deal about a 16,000‑rpm five‑cylinder?
  That rev ceiling is rare. It hints at ultra‑light internals, a rock‑solid bottom end, and advanced valve control. If the character stays intact in production, expect a unique soundtrack.
• How does the Ford SUV discontinuation affect current shoppers?
  Move quickly: ask about pipeline units and trades, request price protection on comparable in‑stock models, and cross‑shop platform siblings immediately.
• Will a discontinued Ford SUV still get parts and service?
  Yes. Automakers support service and parts for years. Your service advisor can estimate timelines for major components based on the model and supplier network.
• Are end‑of‑run models good value?
  Often, yes—if you’re flexible on color and options. Incentives stack nicely when inventory is finite.